my homework is late

but complete!

From ep. 1:
p.s. I have committed to six of these, so strap in for the adventure. who knows, by week 6 we might be all holding hands around the fire, dancing, chanting, doing spells & shit, money raining down upon us. let’s fkn go.

we are at week 6!! some shame has been healed. a bit of shame still lingering as well as a fair bit of fear… “is it really okay to be me?” “is it safe to receive” and “am I allowed to keep living the way I’m living” (people are often curious about my use of “allowed” here… who is the one doing the allowing? the govt? god? my “tribe”? … maybe it’s up to me to give permission to myself…)

anyway safe to say I don’t think we are quite at the holding hands, dancing around the fire bit yet. AND I haven’t even shared any mystical / biblical wisdom about wealth that I’ve had in mind. So perhaps I continue writing…

but for now, I’d like to pick back up from where I abruptly left off last week…

I was going to write about a very #controversial idea. or maybe more like a jumble of ideas. so let’s get into it…

first though… I don’t even know how controversial it’s going to be. it’s just that there’s a part inside me screaming, “you can’t say these things. it’s not allowed. people are suffering. you have no idea what you’re talking about” etc.

So I will just thank that part for trying to protect me and reassure it that it’s going to be okay… or maybe it isn’t, but we’ll find out lol.

right so this is what I’m thinking. say I was born in late 18th century England, Jane Austen era vibes, to a wealthy family. i.e. my circumstances as they are now but ~250 years ago. I KNOW women couldn’t vote. they didn’t have flushing toilets or sunscreen. slavery was still very much a thing (unfort it is now too but at least technically abolished in most of the world)…. etc. I’m not saying let’s go back there so don’t you dare twist my words buddy (just kidding I know you would never).

so what would my life look like? well for one my parents would be desperate to marry me off no? So I’d be someone else’s financial burden and not theirs?

Okay wait I’m talking to chatGPT to fact check my sunscreen comment & help me get a better picture…

Your Life in Late 18th Century England (c. 1780s–1810s)

💰 You = A Financial Liability

• Even if your family was rich, you cost them money: dresses, dowries, governesses, debut balls.

• You had no way to generate income respectably. Working was shameful. So yes — your parents were eager to marry you off to shift that burden.

• The goal? Find a husband wealthy enough to support you, ideally with land or title — and the right character, if you were lucky.

ok… do you get where I’m going with this?

To steer clear of controversial territory, maybe I just paint it as a fantasy…

As someone who can’t wait to get married and have children, this really doesn’t sound so bad to me. STAY with me in the fantasy!!! So… wait here’s some more chatGPT painting the picture, with my comments in italics…

What was true for someone like you:

• You’d likely be very well-educated (at home, with governesses and tutors — especially in languages, music, needlework, maybe some astronomy or philosophy, but rarely mathematics or science unless your family was unusually progressive).

  DB: needlework sounds kind of boring, but otherwise sounds good

• You wouldn't work (employment was shameful for wealthy women — your ‘career’ was marriage).

  DB: fine

• Your fortune would be your bait: If you had a dowry, it made you far more desirable. You could inherit money, but not land (unless no male heirs).

  DB: ok (although wait, different inheritance rights hmmm)

• You'd have servants: Lots. You wouldn’t be cooking or cleaning. You’d be dressing for dinner, reading letters, painting watercolours, hosting guests, or taking long countryside walks.

  DB: love this for me

• You might marry your cousin: Sorry. Class was everything. So was bloodline. Limited eligible men.

  DB: hmmmm not so much

• You’d have very few legal rights: Upon marriage, everything you owned became your husband’s. You were legally absorbed into him (coverture law).

  DB: let’s not get into this now

• You couldn’t attend university: Cambridge and Oxford were for men only.

  DB: damn

So in the fantasy, it’s like I’m living how I’m living now - following my curiosity, learning, reading, writing, fascinating dinner table conversations, singing, dancing, playing piano, praying freely (this bit maybe not allowed in Jane Austen era tbh), taking care of myself, dressing up, going to cool events, meeting interesting people, long walks in the countryside and then to come… being a loving wife and affectionate mother. feminine energy maxxing. relaxed, gracious, elegant, loving and kind. max personal empowerment. and let’s just assume my husband is super hot & not my cousin & a loving, kind gentleman who encourages my freedom and curiosity. Cool. & then maybe I could have been one of the women who sees where the system is broken and helps bring about radical change - from a place of courage & compassion (not angry yelling at people). Perhaps by influencing powerful men behind closed doors… etc.

So anyway the point is, why do people keep telling me to get a job?!?!?!? can’t they see I’m meant to live out my Jane Austen fantasy and a job is the least appropriate thing possible to suggest? sigh.

Anyway jk obviously I know we are in 2025. & I’m in Israel right now… & very much not keen to travel back to Aus via horse & cart.

Okay so really the point is, why are people so judgemental about the idea of not working in a traditional “job” when that hasn’t been the reality for women born into a certain level of wealth for like forever….???????

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

okay more later. sharing this is vulnerable afff the fear of being #cancelled is real. (more like misinterpreted / misunderstood… but I feel like being misunderstood is the story of my life… maybe because I’m afraid to fully understand myself… is it even possible to fully understand oneself? sigh sigh sigh)

xoxox delia

P.S. grateful for my #privilege (and little Jerusalem room of my own - toes pictured) which gives me the freedom to write and share my weird thoughts… as Virginia Woolf said “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write” (also the privilege of being born in 2025 because pretty sure she didn’t have substack)